30casterlyrock: If you plant a block of Ramen noodles in the ground and water it with Bud Lite it will grow into a college student.
avengemymischief: hanksypanky: Actually Jesus was gay and saw some cute guys and was like “nail me ;)” but the Romans misinterpreted his flirtatious nature #I think I just moved up a level in blasphemy #i’m going to hell #and laughing the whole way there
terraforce: This is the only post on this site I care about
heartless: Shall I compare dat ass to a summer’s day?
cloysterbell: Out of context Harry Potter quotes are the best things ever. “Tired of walking in on Harry, Hermione and Ron all over the school, Professor McGonagall had given them permission to use the empty Transfiguration classroom at lunchtimes.” “Stars winking in front of his eyes, he grabbed the top of the hat to pull it off and felt something long and hard beneath it. Read More
ciarachimera: because-yolo: sO TODAY I WENT TO THE BANK WITH MY MOM AND SHE WAS GETTING MONEY AND SHE SAID “YOU HAVE TO KEEP THIS MONEY IN A SAFE PLACE” SO I WENT TO HER EAR AND WHISPERED “IN MY BUTTHOLE” AND I GUESS THE BANK LADY HEARD ME BECAUSE SHE STARTED LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AND SHE COULDN’T STOP Omfg I can’t stop laughing.
andrewgibby: if i write my heart out plant a wheat field in my chest, something rich folks are allergic to, something little girls wearing bow-ties can run through, something my love can pick and chew.
flaming-fagg0t: singleplaidqueer: bubonickitten: riseandwrite: calibornthisgay: My Parents Need to Stop Touching My Stuff: The Musical featuring the hit single “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me” First Song: Close My Door All The Way Secret track: “I Made A Long Distance Call To My Mother Just To Find Out Where The Hell She Put My Socks” Big Group Number: I Know...
i have forgotten how to form sentences at a VERY INCONVENIENT TIME IN THE LAST-MINUTE-PAPER-WRITING PROCESS
Never allow loneliness to drive you into the arms of somone you know you don’t...– Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
rabioheab: i spend so much time being pissed off about the fact that the obamas dog isn’t named Bark Obama
I am deeply in love with so many people’s voices wow
trapsical: paxamericana: kanye backstage at the superbowl, frantically flipping switches. “no one dome should have all that power”
psychophancy: You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him, “That’s a girl’s name!” Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin’ Terry.
”I am not ‘half Japanese’ and ‘half Lithuanian Jewish.” When I’m singing a...– Yumi Thomas (via queergiftedblack)
all I want to do is play music with my friends can I get a degree in that
my period is the biggest cockblock. I mean damn.
gillany: that awkward stage in a friendship when you’ve talked a few times but you don’t know if you can be an asshole to them yet???
ennjey: WHY DO CATS AND DOGS LOSE ALL COORDINATION WHEN YOU PUT SOMETHING ON THEIR FEET
oftderezzed: mydetheturk: octopusinspace: ...